I Went To My Father’s Homeland To Scatter His Ashes—Then I Found A Name He’d Hidden

I went to my father’s ancestral country for the first time for a visit and decided to climb a mountain and scatter his ashes. Days later, I met my dad’s cousin for the first time. She had a thoroughly documented family history and genealogy book. I found out that my father had changed his name in his twenties—and that the name I’d grown up calling him wasn’t the one he was born with.

At first, it felt like finding a crack in the foundation of a house you always thought was solid. I mean, who was my dad, really? I’d known him as Abbas Mirani—stoic, kind, terrible at telling jokes, always burning the rice a little. But in the old records, dusty and fragile, his birth name was Shafiq Altan. Turkish roots, not Iranian like he always claimed.

His cousin, a woman named Nalan who wore a silk scarf knotted under her chin and smelled faintly of cardamom, watched my face carefully as I flipped the pages. She said quietly, “He wanted to forget. He didn’t tell anyone, not even you?”

I shook my head. My dad never even hinted at a past life he was trying to escape.

“He left Turkey after the coup in ‘80. People were being jailed for reading the wrong books. Your grandfather—his father—was taken one night and never seen again. Shafiq ran. Changed his name. Restarted his life.”

I suddenly understood the silence, the thousand-yard stares he had whenever war or politics came up on the news.

Nalan pulled out an old photograph. In it, a teenage boy, eyes too serious for his age, leaned against a rusty bicycle. “That’s him, right before he left.”

It was his eyes that gave it away. Same tired softness.

I thought that was the end of it—some buried trauma, now gently unearthed. But as I stayed in that small village near Erzincan, with its stone houses and tin roofs, pieces of my father’s life began falling into my lap like puzzle pieces falling out of a long-forgotten box.

I met a man named Yilmaz who ran the corner store and remembered “Shafiq” as the quiet boy who used to bring him newspapers. I met another woman, Feriha, who said she once saw him dance in a wedding procession, smiling so wide it lit up the whole square.

Each story filled him out in ways I hadn’t imagined. My dad, dancing? My dad, delivering newspapers at dawn?

I spent more time with Nalan, mostly because she made strong tea and didn’t fill the silence with noise. One rainy afternoon, I asked, “Did he ever fall in love here?”

She paused, pouring water over dried figs.

“Yes. Deeply.”

My heart did a weird thing—like jealousy for a past I didn’t know existed.

Nalan nodded toward the hallway. “There’s a letter you should read.”

I followed her to a narrow shelf and she pulled down a small tin box. Inside were yellowed envelopes tied together with frayed string. She untied the bundle, carefully selected one, and handed it to me.

The paper smelled old and faintly of lavender.

I unfolded it and read words written in a hand I didn’t recognize, but could almost feel him in them:

“To my dearest Elif,
I will leave before the sun rises. I don’t know if I’ll ever see these mountains again. But I want you to know—what we had was real, even if it must live only in memory…”

It went on, raw and beautiful. And signed: Shafiq A.

I looked up.

“Elif?” I asked.

Nalan nodded slowly. “She lived across the river. They were inseparable for two summers. Her family forbade it. Different sects, you know how it was then. Still is.”

My stomach twisted. “She’s…?”

“Alive,” she said. “Married someone else. Three sons. Still lives near the old apricot orchard.”

Against my better judgment, I asked if I could meet her. Nalan didn’t promise anything, just said she’d ask around.

Three days later, I was standing in front of a weather-stained cottage with a blue door. A woman with silver-streaked hair opened it, blinking at me.

“Elif?” I asked.

She studied my face like it was a photograph from long ago.

“You’re Shafiq’s child,” she said softly, like it was a fact and not a question.

I nodded.

She let me in.

We sat in her courtyard under a grapevine. She served tea without sugar. Her hands trembled slightly as she poured.

“I loved your father,” she said plainly. “We were reckless. He used to sneak into our field pretending to be a poet looking for inspiration.”

She laughed, then wiped her eye.

“I knew he had to leave. He promised he would write. But he never did.”

I reached into my backpack and handed her the letter.

She stared at it, eyes welling. Her hand covered her mouth as she read it once, then again.

Then she said something I’ll never forget.

“I thought he forgot me. All these years, I believed he left without a word.”

We both sat in silence.

Then she said, “Thank you. You brought something back to me that I buried for decades.”

I don’t know what made me do it, but I asked if I could scatter a bit of his ashes in her garden.

She nodded. “He loved it here.”

So I walked to the back of her property, under an old apricot tree, and let a handful of him become part of the soil where he once loved and laughed and probably imagined a future he never got to live.

But the biggest twist wasn’t the name, or the old love, or even the letter.

It came when I went back to Nalan’s, and she said someone had called for me.

“From Istanbul,” she said. “Said it was urgent. Name was Hamit Altan.”

The surname jolted me.

I called back that evening from her rotary phone.

A deep, measured voice answered.

“This is Hamit Altan. I believe we are related. My father was Iskender Altan… Shafiq’s older brother.”

I dropped into a chair. “I didn’t know he had a brother.”

“He didn’t talk about us?”

“No,” I whispered.

A long pause.

“He thought we were dead. During the raids, we were taken. Separated. I ended up in Ankara, then Istanbul. It took me years to get word to my uncle. By then, Shafiq was gone. No forwarding address. No phone.”

I felt like I was living in two timelines, and they were finally colliding.

“We’ve been looking for him ever since,” Hamit said. “I never stopped. You are… his child?”

“Yes.”

“Then you are ours.”

Two days later, I took a bus to Istanbul and met my uncle in a café overlooking the Bosphorus. He looked like an older version of my father—same kind eyes, same way of tapping his fingers on the table absentmindedly.

He brought photographs. Pages of them. He had three children. My cousins.

One of them, Nejla, hugged me like we’d grown up together.

That night, they brought out a grilled fish feast and toasted to “the brother we lost, and the child he gave us.”

I stayed two more weeks. Learned the language. Walked the streets my father may have walked as a child. Ate sesame simit by the sea. Even danced once, at a wedding I was invited to by strangers who became friends by dessert.

When I flew back home, I brought with me a copy of the family book Nalan had gifted me, the letters Elif returned to me for safekeeping, and a sense that my father had lived many lives before I ever existed.

And maybe, just maybe, he’d found peace through mine.

The truth is, I used to think I knew my dad.

But it took a journey halfway across the world to realize how much of him was wrapped in silence—not because he didn’t love us, but because some stories were too painful to tell.

Now I understand why he always stared at the mountains a little longer. Why he held onto certain silences. And why, when I mentioned visiting his homeland, he gave me the smallest smile and said, “If you go… go with your eyes open.”

I thought he meant the view.

He meant the truth.

Sometimes, the people we love carry entire lifetimes inside them. And if we’re lucky, we get the chance to uncover them—not to rewrite their stories, but to honor them.

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