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  AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR REFUSING TO GIVE UP MY PLANE SEAT FOR MY SISTER’S HUSBAND?

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  I FOUND OUT ONE OF THESE KIDS ISN’T MINE—BUT I CAN’T SAY WHICH

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  I FOUND HER SHIVERING BEHIND A DUMPSTER—AND THEN SOMEONE CLAIMED SHE WASN’T MINE

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  PEOPLE CROSS THE STREET WHEN THEY SEE ME—BUT TODAY, MY SON MADE THEM LOOK TWICE

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  I STOOD AT THE HOSPITAL DOORS—BUT HE PUT ME ON THE “DO NOT ADMIT” LIST

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  I SAVED EVERY PENNY FOR OUR DREAM HOME BUT MY HUSBAND’S PARENTS DEMANDED IT INSTEAD

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  COUPLE TOOK MY PREMIUM SEAT ON THE PLANE – SO I TAUGHT THEM A LESSON AND TURNED IT INTO PROFIT

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  MY LATE FIANCÉ’S MOTHER DEMANDED HIS CAR AFTER THE FUNERAL — I SAID YES, BUT ONLY IF SHE AGREED TO THIS ONE CONDITION

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  MY PARTNER’S ESTRANGED FAMILY DEMANDED HIS WATCH COLLECTION — I SAID FINE, BUT FIRST, THEY HAD TO DO THIS ONE THING

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  HE FELL ASLEEP IN A POLICE OFFICER’S ARMS—BUT THAT’S NOT WHY PEOPLE STARTED WHISPERING

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  SHE COULDN’T PAY—SO I SWIPED MY CARD… THEN SAW HER NAME ON THE RECEIPT

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  THE COP BOUGHT MY SON ICE CREAM—AND THAT’S WHEN I NOTICED HIS TATTOO